I was deciding if I should wear my new straw hat with polka dot band, umming and ah-ing about how to dress, if I should wear my Converse or thongs?...would I get really wet?.. etc etc..
This is what I envisioned us doing;
I had no idea that there was risk of death!
First of all, I had no idea how long it takes to "set up" the boat! It took an hour! So we spent our time eating the worlds worst fish and chips bought from the lovely chinaman on the street, I did a lot of laying down in the middle of walk ways, a fair few ciggarettes were chugged down and there was a few occasions of me throwing wet fish at my best friend Tiff and just generally being useless. Ropes and Me- do not mix.
Eventually it was time to get changed, let me tell you- SAILING IS NOT FUCKING SEXY! I was wearing a harness- which sits so uncomfortably on your genitals that I thought I had been de-sexed, a big life jacket, and the most ugliest sea booties known to man. But- I was 100% GRATEFUL that I wore them by the time we set off.
We had our first sailing experience on the most CHOPPIEST of choppy days! More choppy then munting out at big day out!
I think I wanted to cry in the first ten minutes but couldnt actually find my eyes thanks to all the sea water.
Our friend Lewis' Dad warned us that we better get prepared to have buckets of water thrown in our face... *cough* can anyone say UNDERSTATEMENT?!?
I drank more sea water than i've ever drunk wine- and I drink alot of wine!
So... there we are.. middle of redland bay and there I AM hanging off the side of a boat, being thrown around the boat with my best friend strangling me with her harness ropes and me screaming " I DONT KNOW WHERE I AM" while squeezing my eyes tight and crying on the inside.
It was rough. at one stage my harness was giving me such a major frontal wedgie I called out to Tiff "I dont even think I have a vagina anymore!!!" There was a lot of delirious, psycho/nervous laughter coming from us girls as we flung around on the ropes and tried to hold on and not fall of... I was literally terrified.
The funny thing is, as traumatizing as the first 10-15 minutes were... when our friends Dad asked if we wanted to go back.. we were OH SO quick to say nooooo.
We were secretly having a BALL!
Right up until we capsized.
which for those of you that can't imagine- looks like this;
yep, we fucking CAPSIZED! Can you imagine how traumatized I would have been? well actually....I couldnt stop laughing at myself.
Tiff and I are screaming as our asses are sinking deeper and deeper into the ocean and I was half in disbelief that this was a legitimate capsize, until our friends Dad comes sliding down the boat towards us. (It seriously looked like the scene from titanic when everyone is losing their shit and flying off the boat) So here comes Dad with a look of terror on his face, Tiff and I are in the water and our friend Lewis is clinging on to the top of the boat like Leo and Kate, holding on for dear life.
and then...hysteria sets in.
There I was.. floating in water that was knee deep.. that's right KNEE DEEP, screaming 'I'm DROWNING, I'm DROWNING"
Oh how quickly hysteria escalates. Then I started laughing deliriously like a psycho when I realised I was being a DRAMA QUEEN and that the water was so shallow that I could literally get up and walk.
note to all boys- never take girls sailing. Girls like me anyway.
Eventually we all waded around and had to wait for the moment for the boat to be able to tip back. this was all really insane and crazy and i'd be lying if I didnt say that I felt like I was on SURVIVOR. I was secretly loving the shit out of it. except for the part where my friend Lewis peed on me whilst in the water, seriously uncool dude.
We had managed to snap a STEEL ROPE in the crash (our friends Dad said "that looks like it's important"... real comforting when your in the middle of nowhere) so we were forced to call it a day and sail back to shore.
I forgot to add; I had cut my hand on coral when I fell off. This was more dramatic/horrendous as I had to hold on to the ropes for the next 20 minutes of travelling back with a bleeding hand.
The journey back was even worse thanks to Tiff and I continuously injuring ourselves by flinging around and smashing into everything, plus my bloody hand was useless to hold onto stuff with, Tiffany sooked out and got to go on the boat because her elbow was hurt, so then I was stuck RIDIN' SOLO and flinging around with my cut hand, busted leg, cuts and scrapes and everything hurting. At one moment I just looked at Tiff and my bottom lip trembled because I secretly wanted to DIE.
We got back and decided IT WAS THE BEST THING WE EVER DID!
So much fun and adventure and chaos, almost as good as sitting at home watching a whole season of jersey shore! (just kidding.)
I highly recommend it! Everyone should try it atleast ONCE, it is the loosest experience I just recommend going on calmer weather and not wearing eye makeup so you avoid looking like a drunk prostitute like I did.
and make sure you leave your pretty new hats at HOME- where they BELONG!! Sailing is not the place for styling it up.
xoxo
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