YOU.

YOU KEEP THE LIGHTS ON WHEN THE CANDLES ARE LIT

YOU PRACTICE THANKFULNESS BUT DON'T FORGIVE

YOU SAY THAT YOU CARE BUT YOU DON'T SHOW IT

ASK ALL OF THE PEOPLE YOU'VE LOVED- THEY KNOW IT

YOU WISH TO BE WILD BUT FEAR THE UNKNOWN

YOU ARE QUICK TO RUN WHEN YOUR FEELINGS ARE SHOWN

YOU LOVE TO DREAM BUT NEVER SHUT YOUR EYES

THERES NOTHING YOU DREAD MORE THAN A SUPRISE

YOU PROTECT YOURSELF FROM THE WORLD OF HURT

THE NAGGING, THE NEEDING JUST TEAR AT YOUR SHIRT

THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO SAY WHEN SILENCE HAS SPOKEN

DID ANYONE KNOW IT WAS YOUR HEART THAT WAS BROKEN?

COULD YOU SURRENDER YOURSELF TO SOMEONE NEW?

WHEN LOVES SUCCESSES HAVE BEEN SO FEW

I HOPE YOU FIND SOMEONE WHO TEARS YOU IN TWO

AND HELPS YOU TO DISCOVER THE BEST PART OF YOU.

VINO TINTO, SANDRA CISNEROS

DARK WINE REMINDS ME OF YOU.
THE BURGUNDIES AND CABERNETS.THE TANG AND THRUM AND HISS
THAT SPIRAL LIKE EGYPTIAN SILK,
BLOOD BIT FROM A LIP, BLACK SMOKE FROM A CIGARETTE
NIGHTS THAT SWELL LIKE A CORK.
THIS NIGHT. A THOUSAND.
UNDER A SINGLE LAMPLIGHT.
IN PUBLIC OR ALONE.
VERY LATE OR VERY EARLY.
WHEN I WRITE POEMS.


SOMETHING OF YOU STILL TAUT
STILL TUGS, STILL PULLS
A ROPE THAT TREMBLED 
HUMMED BETWEEN US.
HUMMED, LOVE, DIDNT IT.


LOVE, HOW IT HUMMED.

TAO LIN

If you haven't heard of Tao Lin by now, then you obviously don't/can't read. 
He's a bit of a New York phenomenon and many a blogger/journalist/writer has tried to decipher not only his writing style, but who he actually is as an individual.


He's probably become one of my favourite authors of our seedy little generation of writers. Mainly because I seriously can't figure him out and also because he writes these simple one liners that jab me in the heart so quick and fast that I get temporarily breathless.


One line in particular;


"I want to hold your face with my face like a hand"


How good is that sentence? You have to stop and picture it in your head, and once I had the image, I could definitely relate to wanting to rest faces with a lover.


That's the wicked beauty of Tao Lin's writing, it often makes sense to your heart first and then your mind follows.


He's the author of a few little paperbacks, the better known being 'Shoplifting from American Apparel', 'Richard Yates' and 'Bed'.


Here is some of Tao's poetry and if you want to get more acquainted with his writing then I recommend buying his books from amazon.





the secret of life is decisiveness
and to describe something
i see the distance and move immediately into it
now i am really alone
from here i know these things: that a hamster is a lonely fist
that my poems exist to dispel irrational angers, that i want to hold your face
with my face
like a hand
the secret of life is that i miss you, and this describes life
tonight my heart feels shiny and calm as a soft wet star
i describe it from a distance, then move quickly away
- from cognitive-behavioral therapy by Tao Lin

i will learn how to love a person and then i will teach you and then we will know
seen from a great enough distance i cannot be seen
i feel this as an extremely distinct sensation
of feeling like shit; the effect of small children
is that they use declarative sentences and then look at your face
with an expression that says, ‘you will never do enough
for the people you love’; i can feel the universe expanding
and it feels like no one is trying hard enough
the effect of this is an extremely shitty sensation
of being the only person alive; i have been alone for a very long time
it will take an extreme person to make me feel less alone
the effect of being alone for a very long time
is that i have been thinking very hard and learning
about mortality, loneliness, people, society, and love; i am afraid
that i am not learning fast enough; i can feel the universe expanding
and it feels like no one has ever tried hard enough; when i cried in your room
it was the effect of an extremely distinct sensation that ‘i am the only person
alive,’ ‘i have not learned enough,’ and ‘i can feel the universe expanding
and making things be further apart
and it feels like a declarative sentence
whose message is that we must try harder’
- from cognitive-behavioral therapy by Tao Lin

FABIAN SCHWEIZER

GET A LOAD OF MR. SCHWEIZ GUY...
FORGET ANGUS STONE, FABIAN IS THE NEW MAN OF MY DREAMS.
THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT A GREASED BACK, JAMES DEAN HAIR SLICK THAT TURNS ME INTO A LOVESICK RETARD.
I USED TO HAVE A SICKENING CRUSH ON A GUY WITH HAIR LIKE FABIANS. AND WHEN I FINALLY MET THE GUY I RAMBLED ON AND ON ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVED HIS HAIR....
NOT COOL, AT ALL.

SOMETIMES/LATELY

So much has been going on lately and there have been loads of photos taken on my sexy new camera that my gorgeous honey's gifted me for my 25th, which I have shared for you all to see.
I have a major case of camera A.D.D and am snapping every single thing we do, which I'm sure is starting to get pretty annoying (sorry guys!).
The birthday month has been a dream, and I felt so lucky to have such amazing, caring and loving friends around to share my quarter century celebrations with.
Thanks to everyone for joining in the fun and giving me a birthday I will truly never forget (for some reasons which will go to the grave)
On the other hand, there's been a few little births of some major cuties lately! And also sadly, a feeling of loss for a sad passing.
But life goes on and living is a gift that I feel grateful for and with a positive attitude and an optimism for all the good things the world has to offer I'm sure that 2012 will turn out ah-mah-zing.

More to come xx

RIDE IT COWGIRL

I haven't got an adrenaline rush from an editorial in a whole long while...until I saw this.
Aline Weber smokes it in Vogue Turkey May edition.

Hit that Rodeo Show.

A LONG TIME AGO TODAY.

Dirty Little Habits

Why do we do things when we no longer enjoy them?

Soured relationships.

Cigarettes that taste like shit.

Finishing books when we hate the way the author writes.

It makes no sense.

In order to grow we must shake the shit that weighs us down; get rid of that guy that brings you nothing but anxiety, throw away the book when the writer is full of doom, gloom and pessimism and quit those damn cigarettes.

habits.

so easy to become accustomed to.

nothing holds us back like ourselves, as they say; we are our own worst enemy.

cut the ties, ditch the shit and throw it all away. live happily with no baggage.

we are born free, born to be, to change, to experience, to grow, to learn and to evolve into whatever you want to.

don't wait for a sign- just get moving.

time is timeless. don't grow old expecting to grow old. 

March 2012

FOR EVERY BIT OF ME THERE WAS THREE PARTS YOU.

LOVE or lack of love, or the idea of love, or the promise of love.

The all consuming engagement of one heart to another, or one heart to nothing.

They say "love hurts"  but I don't know if that explains it truthfully. Because the whole process can hurt. Sometimes it can hurt before it has even turned into love. Sometimes it hurts before we make love, before we fall in love, before we acknowledge we have love. 

Love doesn't hurt; people hurt. 

People hurt each other all the time, with guns, with words and with careless actions. But the worst kind of hurt, one of which you may think you will never truly recover, is the hurt of someone that you have unspoken love with.

It doesn't have to be dramatic, it's just that you simply know that even though the feeling is unspoken- it exists. Because you revealed a secret side of yourselves to one another, because you are blindly willing to accept that person for all that they are; even at their worst, because you shared stories, shared thoughts, shared dreams and confessed fears and then- your hurt, before you can even blame it on love.

I can't decide whether it would be easier to be hurt by someone that you are 'in love' with, or by the person you held in such high esteem that you could have loved them if it was simpler? 

I try to be careful with hearts that find their way into my hands. I want to protect them and keep them safe, because it is rare for someone to hand over the one thing that you can break. 

Trust is a fragile thing, one wrong move and you break all the ties that keep two people close. One wrong move and you can kiss goodbye to all of tomorrow's promises and all of yesterdays memories. One wrong move and you are forcibly forgotten because remembering leaves a bad taste in your mouth. 

Don't blame love for all shitty things that people do to ruin it. Leave love alone so that at least there is something good to look forward to.

OPULENCE.

Kate Moss for Vogue, shot by Tim Walker. Oozing in decadence.
A little bit to die for is a lot to live for.